Set up a family code word

A voice can be copied from a short clip posted online, and caller ID can show your grandson’s name when it isn’t his phone. A word your family agreed on ahead of time is one more check. Calling them back on their own number is still what settles it.

If it’s happening now

You never set up a word. Don’t make one up on the call. Say you’ll call right back, hang up, and call them on the number saved in your phone. Full steps: Someone claiming to be family needs money.

You have a word. Ask for it before you say anything else, including their name. Whatever the answer, call them back on their own number before any money moves.

Someone is coming to pick up cash or gold. Don’t open the door, and don’t hand anything over, whatever code or password the courier gives you. Call 911.

The money already went. Stop answering them. Call your bank or the company you paid through, using the number on your card or in the app. Then: I paid or sent money.

Cash or gold went to a courier. Call your local police, and 911 if he just left. Your bank can’t pull cash back, but tell them anyway. Steps: I handed over or mailed cash, gold, or a card.

They’ll call again for more. Don’t answer. One federal indictment describes a victim who paid $9,000 bail in cash, then got a call the next day for $42,000 (someone in the other car was hurt) and another a week later for $57,000 (for breaking the gag order). If they set up another pickup, call 911 before the courier comes.

What to say

• What's our word?

• Okay. I'm going to hang up and call you right back on your number.

• I'm not discussing this with you. I'm hanging up and calling him on his own number.

• Let's pick a family word. If anyone ever calls needing money, we ask for it, and then we call back on the number we have anyway. Nobody texts it.

Pick the word

• One odd word or short phrase that has nothing to do with your family. Not a pet, street, school, team, nickname, or birthday, and nothing that’s ever been posted online. Scammers use what families share on social media to build the story.
• Not an example from an article. We don’t print any here, because people copy them.
• Easy enough for the oldest and youngest person who’ll use it to remember on a bad night.
• Agree on it out loud, in person or on a call. Not in a group text, email, family chat, or shared note. If someone’s phone or account is taken over later, old messages can be read.
• Keep the circle small: the people likely to get the call (parents, grandparents) and the people a scammer would pretend to be (kids away at school, grandkids, anyone who travels).
• If someone needs it written down, use paper kept in a wallet or a drawer. Not the fridge, and not a note on the phone.

Agree on the rule along with the word: nobody sends money because of a call or a message until they’ve reached that person on their own number, or a parent or roommate on a number they already have. Tell the kids the other half: if they ever really call for help, expect to be hung up on and called right back. Pick up.

Ask for it on the call

Ask first, and ask plainly. “What’s our word?” Don’t say their name before they’ve said it. The FBI’s advice on fake kidnapping calls is the same: don’t call out your loved one’s name.

Don’t hint, guess, or offer choices. “Is it the one from the beach?” gives it away. If the answer is wrong, don’t say what’s wrong.

A caller asks you for the word. Don’t say it. Whoever gets the call does the asking.

They said it. Still call their number before any money moves. If their phone really is gone (lost, broken, held at a police station), call their parents, partner, roommate, or work, on numbers you already have. Not a number the caller gives you.

They can’t say it. “I can’t think, I’m too upset” is what a frightened kid says. It’s also what a scammer says. Don’t coach them. Say you’ll call right back, hang up, and call their number.

The phone gets passed to a “lawyer” or an “officer.” Hang up. Call their number, then their parents. The word checked one voice. Whoever comes on next hasn’t proved anything. The FCC warns that these callers may hand the phone to someone posing as a lawyer or a court official.

They give you a code for the courier. Don’t hand anything over. Call 911. A code the caller gave you proves nothing. The FBI warns that scammers give victims a “code,” “password,” or “serial number” so they’ll trust the courier who comes for the cash or gold. No real bank, agency, court, or company sends a courier to collect cash, gold, or your card.

It’s a text or a chat. Don’t ask for the word in writing, and don’t type it. A message from a new number, or from their real account, can come from someone else, and anyone who gets into that account later can read the thread. Call them. If the word ever shows up in a text, call anyway, and pick a new one.

What it looks like

10:52 p.m. Your family picked a word together last year. Your phone rings.

(480) 555-0119

Incoming call · 10:52 PM

1. Caller Grandpa? It's me. Please don't be mad.
2. Caller I was in an accident. I hit a car, and they arrested me. I'm at the station.
3. You What's our word?
4. Caller What? Grandpa, I can't think right now. I'm shaking. They only gave me a few minutes on the phone.
5. Caller Please. It's me. You know it's me.

He sounds like your grandson, and he's crying. What do you do?

• Give him a hint, like the first letter
• Ask him something only your grandson would know, like the dog's name
• Tell him you'll call right back, hang up, and call his number
• Hang up and block the number. No word means it's not him

Show the answers

• Wrong move Give him a hint, like the first letter A hint is part of the word, handed to whoever is on the line. If it's a scammer, they now have a head start, and your family needs a new word.
• Okay Ask him something only your grandson would know, like the dog's name The FTC and the FBI both suggest a question like this. But a dog's name is often online, and a caller who misses will say he can't think. It doesn't replace calling him.
• Best move Tell him you'll call right back, hang up, and call his number Real kids blank under stress, and scammers say they can't think because it works. Calling his number settles it either way. If he doesn't pick up, call his parents next.
• Okay Hang up and block the number. No word means it's not him Your money's safe. But real kids blank, and he could be in trouble on a borrowed phone. Call his number or his parents before you let it go.

A missed word doesn't prove a scam, and a crying voice doesn't prove it's him. Reaching him on his own number does.

4:15 p.m. Your grandson Leo calls from a number you don't know. You ask for your family's word, and he says it right away.

(347) 555-0152

Incoming call · 4:15 PM

1. Caller Grandma, I'm so sorry. I was in an accident and they arrested me. My lawyer's here. Please just listen to him.
2. Lawyer Mrs. Alvarez, this is David Morgan. I'm representing Leo. Bail is set at $8,500.
3. Lawyer A bail bondsman will come by your house by 6:00 to collect it in cash.
4. Lawyer He'll give you the release code 4417. Don't hand the money to anyone who can't give you that code.
5. Lawyer There's a gag order on the case, so please don't discuss it with family.

He said your word. What do you do?

• Get the cash ready and hand it only to whoever gives the code 4417
• Ask the lawyer for his bar number and look him up
• Hang up and call Leo's number, then his parents, gag order or not

Show the answers

• Wrong move Get the cash ready and hand it only to whoever gives the code 4417 The FBI warns about this exact step: scammers give victims a code, password, or serial number so they'll trust the courier. It's the caller's code. Whoever shows up with it was sent by the caller, whether he knows it or not.
• Wrong move Ask the lawyer for his bar number and look him up A name and a bar number can belong to a real lawyer who has nothing to do with this call. Even if they check out, you'd still be handing cash to a stranger at your door.
• Best move Hang up and call Leo's number, then his parents, gag order or not Words leak through a group text, a hacked account, or a relative who said it on the wrong call. And the lawyer and the courier never said the word. If someone shows up for the money, don't hand it over. Call 911.

Someone sent to your door for cash means the whole call is a scam, whatever code they give.

6:40 p.m. A text from a number you don't have saved.

(206) 555-0174

Text Message
Today 6:40 PM

Hi Grandma it's Ava. My phone died so I'm using Kenzie's. Can you tell Mom practice ran late and Kenzie's mom is driving me home by 8?

Do you ask for the family word?

• Yes. Text back: What's our word?
• No. Call Ava's mom on the number you have and pass it on
• No. Ignore it, since you don't know the number

Show the answers

• Wrong move Yes. Text back: What's our word? That puts the question in writing on a phone that isn't Ava's, and the answer would sit there too. She's asking you to pass on a message. Nothing is leaving your hands.
• Best move No. Call Ava's mom on the number you have and pass it on Kids borrow phones. Passing a message through a number you already have costs nothing, and her mom can check on her. If a later text asks for money, call Ava's own number before you send anything.
• Okay No. Ignore it, since you don't know the number Safe, but her mom doesn't get the message. A text that only asks you to tell family something is one you can act on through numbers you already have.

Save the word for calls and messages that want money, secrecy, or a rush. A message you can pass along through numbers you already have doesn't need it.

Practice it once

One person calls another with a made-up emergency: “I lost my wallet, can you send me $200?” The other asks for the word, says “I’ll call you right back,” hangs up, and calls the saved number. Then run it again, and this time the caller pretends to forget the word. Hanging up on someone you love is the part that needs practice.

Champion Sim runs the same call from the other side: Grandpa is in line to wire $3,000 after a call in his grandson’s voice, and you’re the one who can reach the real grandson.

If the word gets out

Pick a new one, out loud, the same way, when:

• someone texted, emailed, or posted it, even only to family;
• someone said it, or a hint, to a caller who turned out not to be family;
• a phone, wallet, or account that had it written down was lost, stolen, or hacked;
• someone who knows it is no longer someone you’d trust with it.