Talking to a parent about scams

If it’s happening now

They’re on the phone with someone, or about to send money. Go to Someone I love is being scammed right now.

Someone is on the way to their house to pick up cash, gold, or a card. Call 911.

Someone is on their computer right now. Have them hold the power button until it turns off, then call you from their phone. More: I let someone control my computer.

Money already left. Call their bank or the payment company together, on the number on the back of the card or in the app. Then: I paid or sent money.

What to say

• What kind of scam calls are you getting these days? I keep hearing about ones where someone says they're the bank and tells you to move your money to keep it safe.

• Can you do one thing for me? If anyone who calls or messages you wants you to move money, read them a code or a password, or let them onto the computer, stop and call me first. Even if they tell you not to tell anyone.

• I'm not worried you'd fall for something obvious. These calls are built to keep you on the phone so you can't check with anybody. Calling me is how you check.

• If I don't pick up, call [name], or the number on the back of your card. Never a number the caller gives you.

The one thing to ask for

Put a second person in the way. If anyone who contacted them, by phone, text, email, or online, asks them to do any of these, they stop and call you first:

• move, withdraw, or send money, buy gift cards or gold, or put cash in a Bitcoin ATM
• read out a code or a password, give their Social Security or Medicare number, or tap Approve on an alert
• let anyone onto the computer or install an app the caller names
• hand anything to someone who comes to the door

The FTC says keeping people on the phone is meant to stop them talking to anyone who could help. The promise makes you that person.

A caller who says to keep it secret, or tells them what to say at the bank, is the scam. If a teller asks questions, they answer honestly.

If you don’t answer, there’s a second call: the number on the back of their bank card, or a second person you name together. Never a number the caller gave them.

Write your number and the backup’s on a card by the phone; the 30-minute setup has one. For calls that sound like you or a grandchild: hang up and call that person on the number already saved. A family code word helps when they can’t reach them.

They never have to decide whether it’s real. Caller ID, a familiar voice, and someone knowing their details prove nothing. And no real bank, agency, or company sends a courier for cash, gold, or a card, or tells anyone to use a Bitcoin ATM or buy gift cards.

How to bring it up

Pick a calm moment. Not a family dinner with an audience, and not right after they mention a mistake.

Start with what they’re getting. Let them tell it, and say what they did right.

Tell your own close call only if it happened. A made-up one falls apart at the first question.

Let them practice instead of listening. Open the practice questions on the bank-caller page, hand them your phone, and let them answer before you say anything.

Leave out “you need to be more careful,” “at your age,” and “let me just do it.” Each one tells them you’ve decided they can’t manage, and they’ll stop telling you things.

Questions that show where they’re exposed

“Who’s your bank, and what number would you call?” The right answer is the number on the back of the card. Not one from a text, an email, or a search.

“Do you pick up numbers you don’t know?” Turn on call screening together, so unknown callers have to say who they are first. iPhone with iOS 26 or later: Settings > Apps > Phone, then choose Ask Reason for Calling. (Silence is stricter: every unsaved number, the pharmacy included, goes to voicemail.) Pixel 7 or later: Phone app > More > Settings > Spam and Call Screen (or Call Screen) > Call Screen, then turn on automatic screening for first-time callers. A screened caller can still say “your bank’s fraud department.” Same rule: hang up and call the number on the card.

“Has anyone ever fixed your computer over the phone?” If AnyDesk, TeamViewer, or a similar app is still installed and nobody they know set it up, remove it together. More: I let someone control my computer.

“Do you send money with Zelle, Venmo, or Cash App?” Say it plainly: money they send themselves can count as authorized, even when a scammer talked them into it, and it often isn’t reimbursed. Keep them for people they know. No bank or agency protects their money by asking them to send it.

“Do you have an account at a brokerage firm?” Ask them to name a trusted contact. The firm can call that person if it can’t reach them or suspects someone is exploiting them. A trusted contact can’t see the balance or make trades. Ask their bank too. Some banks offer the same.

“If I didn’t answer, who would you call?” That name goes on the card.

When they push back

“I’m not stupid.” Say: “I know. These calls count on you trying to protect your money.”

“I’d know if it was really the bank. I’d know your voice.” Say: “Maybe. You don’t have to. Caller ID can show the bank’s real number, and voices can be copied. Call back on the number you already have.”

“What if it’s real and I hang up?” Say: “Then you call the number on your card. If it was really the bank, they’ll have the same notes when you call.”

“Nobody’s after my money.” Say: “People 60 and older reported $7.7 billion in losses to the FBI in 2025. The calls go out to long lists. Nobody has to pick you.”

“I don’t want you in my business.” Say: “I don’t need to see your accounts. I just want to be the call you make before money moves.”

“Stop worrying about me.” Say: “Fair. Make the promise and I’ll stop bringing it up.”

If they still say no

Stop pushing. Pressure makes them less likely to call you when a call like this comes. Try again when they mention a strange call.

Until it’s past persuading, set up anything else with them, not behind their back.

Give them someone else to ask. Some people would rather call a stranger than their kid.

When it’s past persuading

If they can’t follow their own money anymore, or someone is already talking them into sending it (what to do right now):

• Power of attorney. A durable financial power of attorney names someone to make money decisions if they can’t; they keep managing their own while they’re able. It doesn’t stop them from sending money themselves. Set it up while they’re well. A lawyer can help. Choose carefully: the CFPB warns the person named could take money without permission.
• Adult Protective Services. If someone is taking money from an older adult, report it to their state’s office. Who qualifies varies by state, so let the office decide: Adult Protective Services, by state.
• Money gone, and they’re 60 or older. The National Elder Fraud Hotline helps with the reports: 833-372-8311.

If it happens anyway

Don’t say “I told you so,” or anything that sounds like it. Help with the next call: I paid or sent money.

Then watch for a second scam: offers to recover the money for a fee, sometimes from someone claiming to be the FBI, IC3, the FTC, or a lawyer. Someone offers to get my money back. For the weeks after: Helping someone after a scam.

Rehearse your side of the call: practice helping someone.